The week of March 9th, I was feeling terrible. I was exhausted, and every time I tried to eat, I wanted to throw up. Nothing sounded appealing at all. I had meal prepped a bunch of breakfasts and lunches for me, all plant-based, and I was so excited for them. Then I literally couldn’t eat them. My husband, Carlos, was out of town for work that week. I texted him on Tuesday during my lunch break at work and told him how terrible I felt. He jokingly said, “Well, maybe you’re pregnant!”
I continued to feel like garbage all day. When I got home, I remembered that the ovulation tests I bought came with one pregnancy test and decided to check, just for fun. It was immediately positive; I didn’t even have to wait the full time the box suggested. I still didn’t believe it. With my PCOS and coming off of birth control, I convinced myself it would probably take a year or more if it were going to happen at all.
I talked to my husband that night, and he thought I was also joking with him! We agreed I should take another one. So the next day, on my way home from work, I bought one of the digital ones, surely those were more trustworthy. Again, it immediately said, “pregnant.” I took another one, just in case. Yup, positive! I was so excited and so scared all at the same time.
That night I got a text from work saying that due to COVID-19 precautions, we would be closing immediately and would have an extended Spring Break. Little did I know that we would not be returning for the rest of the year. Not only did I find out I was pregnant, but I also learned that COVID-19 was becoming a big problem. That was a little overwhelming to deal with all at once.
I had a doctor’s appointment the following Monday, and everything was okay. I was seven weeks pregnant, and the doctor’s office was pretty much normal, aside from asking me whether I had been sick or not.
The following weeks got a little crazier with the entire state shutting down and trying to navigate remote teaching for the first time. Though it was more crisis management than teaching, it was still challenging. We were quarantined. I knew nothing about how to be pregnant; I wasn’t with my students at school; I wasn’t seeing any people outside my husband. It was challenging.
There was a loss of normalcy from all sides. I couldn’t fill my time with the gym or friends. I wasn’t sure what my relationships with my friends would even look like outside of quarantine. I wouldn’t be going to happy hours; I would be the pregnant friend and then the friend with a baby. I was so excited and grateful for the baby, but I knew life was going to be different, and I needed to figure out who I was post-quarantine and post-pregnancy. People don’t talk about that often. It’s hard not to be filled with emotions, not only because of the raging hormones, but it’s a massive shift from not being a mom to being a mom. I’ve had 32 years of my life not being a mom, that’s a long time! Not only that, but enormous pressure to grow a human and not mess up. At least that’s what I’m always worried about.
Pregnancy has been a challenge for me. I can’t say whether it is because of the isolation of COVID or not, but it has been challenging. We try to go for walks every day to get outside and get exercise. I did get to see my friends for video chats, and then I finally got to see them in person for a gender reveal with them. I got to see my mom too a couple of times, which helped.
It still has felt bizarre. I haven’t been in the school for months, hell my entire pregnancy, so most of my co-workers will probably be quite surprised when I show up 6-7 months pregnant. What I cannot wait for is to meet my son finally. I also cannot wait for this pandemic to pass, but that one might take a little longer.
It has been a strange and wonderful few months with layers of emotion. We have a lot more amazing things ahead, which I will write about later. I hope everyone is staying safe and healthy and trying their best to be sane!